Cell Phone Follies

When I moved to a new town, I thought I was doing my patriotic duty to get a new cell phone number that included my new area code. Instead, this has been one of the most punishing experiences of my life.

My first new number seemed to work fine....until I started getting calls for Erlinda. Erlinda is not a name you easily forget. As it turns out, Erlinda has some problems with her finances. Her creditors would call me and leave nasty messages about how I had to return their calls right away. I accepted this, but the calls became more and more frequent. And then, the final straw....

I was standing in Home Depot with my husband one day and my cell phone rang.

"Hello, this is So and So with Such and Such Financial Services (a cleverly thought up name that refers to a collection agency with just the right amount of vagueness so as to prevent you from hanging up on them right away)."

I immediately ask them, "are you trying to reach Erlinda?"

"Yes" they say.

"Well this is no longer her phone. I'm sorry, I guess it used to be her phone, but it's been my number now for a couple of months."

"Oh, well, Ma'am," they say, in the sweetest, most non-threatening voice ever, "it seems that Erlinda listed this as her phone number in papers sent to us just a couple days ago".

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?!?!?" I say.

That was it. I was not going to serve as Erlinda's collection agency answering service.

That day, I went to my provider and got a new number.

Problem fixed. Or so I thought.

Fast forward to this evening.

I'm having a perfectly pleasant evening, standing in my living room, ironing clothes while watching some Medical Incredible show that my husband refuses to watch because he thinks it's gross (and it is).

My cell phone rings in my purse in the next room at around 9:30 p.m. I rush to answer it so as not to wake my sleeping baby upstairs. The conversation went something like this...

"Hello?" I say.

"Hey, this is Bunny at Paper Moon" (for those of you unfamiliar, Paper Moon is a local establishment where women undress for entertainment purposes).

"Who?"

"It's BUNNNNEEEE. Anyway, Rick wants to know if you can come in tonight". (At this point I almost laughed out loud. Certainly this was a joke. And then all of a sudden, I worried about insulting this person on the other end of the line. How would you feel if you were a, well you know, and someone started laughing at you when you called the wrong number?).

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number"

Click.

Yep, that's right. I've gone from a woman who can't keep her finances in check to a woman who can't keep her clothes on. I don't even know if I'm going to ask for a new number because the number I get next could be worse. I can't think of what's worse right now, but I bet it would be.