Come on in...the water's fine

Recently, I spent a day being the mother I swore I’d never be.

To start with, I decided to forgo a shower that morning in favor of sleep and ended up putting my hair up in a ponytail. No, I wasn’t headed to the gym. It wasn’t even swept up in some chic looking clip. I looked like a 34-year old sorority house occupant. All I needed was the Greek letter sweatshirt.

To add to my already alluring look, I slipped on some jeans that I’d already worn once that week and paired them with a very old (as in I wore it in college) turtleneck. Was I looking good? You betcha!

I proceeded to the doctor’s office where I found myself being that mother who is trying to change the diaper of one child in the bathroom with the door open while the other child runs around the doctor’s office wildly out of control.

This moment was enhanced by the fact that I was using the last diaper in the baby’s diaper bag, which included no back up outfit in the event of a blowout (I used that the day before and never replaced it). Add to this scenario that I was getting ready to feed my baby with the last clean bottle in my house, filled with the last few granules of formula in the can and you come to realize that I was teetering on the edge of the Bad Mommy Abyss from which there is no return.

How did I get here? How did I let this happen? When you’re a mom, I don’t think it takes too much to become the boiled frog. You try to stay on top of things, but you can’t stay on top of everything. Something has to give somewhere. And slowly, as you let one thing go and realize you will still wake up the next morning, you let more things go, and suddenly your house is a mess, your kids are acting like hooligans and you have nothing in the fridge that will constitute dinner. Ribbit.

And if I hear one more television show tell me to take care of myself first, I’m going to scream. When am I supposed to do that? When I’m feeding, entertaining and potty training child number one or when I’m feeding, bathing and clothing child number two while child number one is napping? Given that I’ve had to start scheduling my showers a day in advance, and leaving the house to get a haircut requires planning at least a week out, I don’t think I’m at a stage right now where I can “put myself first”.

So for right now, I guess I will have to have some days when I’m not at my best, realize it, and then begin the long trudge uphill to a better version of myself. Ahh, humility. I see you’ve come for another visit. Hopefully, a short stay.